Dead in Vinland does Macbeth
by tbm1986
Summary: Parody based on Dead in Vinland game by CCCP and Macbeth by Shakespeare. This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Dead in Vinland world, which is trademarked by CCCP and the plot & various quotes from Macbeth, which is trademarked by the Royal Shakespeare Company.
1. Act 1

**Act 1 Scene 1**

_Gudrun and Moira are in a clearing, mixing up a disgusting-looking concoction in a large pot._

Gudrun: I need more soapwort! Fetch me more soapwort!

Moira: Ok- someone's coming.

Gudrun: Ooh, something wicked this way comes! Kekekeke!

Eustache: Good afternoon to ye charming ladies!

Knut: Witches! *spits*

Gudrun: Hail Eustache, fisherman of the camp!

_Eustache grumbled._

Moira: Hail Eustache, leader-to-be of the camp!

Eustache: Leader, huh? Fine women, pray tell me, how does this come about?

Knut: WHAT ABOUT ME? WILL I NOT BE LEADER?

Moira: Hail Knut, forefather of leaders!

Knut: Hmpf.

Eustache: What about my question?

Gudrun: Be patient, fool! You will know when it's time.

Knut: Eustache, I can hear enemies approaching. Let's do some skull smashing!

_Reluctantly, Eustache left with Knut._

**Act 1 Scene 2**

_Eirik has learned that Yaghoub has been planning to assassinate him. He slits his throat in front of everyone._

Eirik: With his former titles, greet Eustache.

**Act 1 Scene 3**

_Later in camp, after Eustache has confided in Blodeuwedd..._

Blod: I think you should kill him. He is not the man I married anymore. *caresses his shoulders and whispers in his ear* You would make a much better leader. You're not afraid to do what needs to be done. *moves around to face him, straightened up and looks him in the eyes* Are you?

Eustache: Hmm...but when would the best time be?

Blod: When he's guiltily chopping wood after dark, then you could blame Björn's men. Come on, man! You can figure these things out for yourself!

**Act 1 Scene 4**

_That night, Eustache stalked Eirik at a safe distance._

Eirik: Must...keep...family...warm... AAAARRRRGGHH!

_Eirik eventually collapsed out of exhaustion. Eustache saw his chance and slit his throat. Now he needed to find a couple of goons to take the blame._


	2. Act 2

**Act 2 Scene 1**

Kari: Hey, everyone! Wake up! Dad's been murdered!

_Everyone woke and gasped in horror. There were sleepy whispers. Then Eustache staggered in with a couple of corpses, cut, bleeding and panting._

Eustache: Found the blighters! They did... not deserve to live.

**Act 2 Scene 2**

_In the healing tent the following morning..._

Gudrun: Well, don't just stand there! Enter! Hail Eustache, King of camp!

Moira: Hail Eustache, King of camp!

Eustache: Had I two ears, I would hear ye. Oh, wait. Ignore me. Can you patch me up?

_They bandaged him up._

Eustache: Thanks. Before I go, do you have any foresighted advice?

Moira: Erm...

Gudrun: You shall not be harmed by any man of woman born.

Eustache: That's good to know. Anything else?

Moira: You are the first and last of your line.

Eustache: Pah! We'll see about that! Thank you, ladies! *to self* Knut won't live to father any more brats!

**Act 2 Scene 3**

_He made his way over to the forge._

Knut: Oh. Hi, Eustache! What's up?

Eustache: Well you should ask, my friend. Well you should ask...

_Eustache stuck his dagger in the back of Knut, aiming for his heart._

Knut: But...I'm your friend!

Eustache: I can't have your heirs challenging my rule. Sorry.

_Knut collapsed, his head landing in the forge and being set alight._

**Act 2 Scene 4**

_At dinner that night, several of the women were in mourning. Eustache was feeling as though he had vanquished his main threats._

_Then Eustache saw Knut's ghost glide in, turn and deposit himself next to him. Eustache jumped out of his skin._

Blod: What's up, my love?

Eustache: Can't you see him? He's here!

Blod: Who?

_Everyone else was looking at him, completely unaware of the apparition._

Eustache: Nobody. Sorry. It's been a tough couple of days. For all of us.

**Act 2 Scene 5**

_Later that evening, when Eustache had gone out for a walk..._

Parvaneh: This doesn't seem right to me. Eustache wasn't the most loyal to Eirik, happened to be out when Eirik got murdered, came back just in time to catch the tail end of Kari's announcement that her father was dead, announced himself temporary leader and now Knut mysteriously fell into the forge. Björn doesn't go sneaking around to vanquish his foes. It must be someone here.

_She looked around. Kari's blood was boiling, Solveig was crying and the other three women were oddly silent. Shifty, even. Gudrun pretended to be asleep. Moira tried to make her excuses to go to bed._

Parvaneh: Blod, I would go as far as to say you are not affected by Eirik's death how a loyal wife should be. You're also out of character. You would normally be hotly seeking vengeance.

Blod: What are you trying to say? That I murdered my own husband!?

Kari: Mum was here when I got back. Who wasn't?

Parvaneh: Eustache.

_Kari exploded and stormed out._

**Act 2 Scene 6**

_Eustache came back to find Kari's face radiating barely contained fury and venom._

Kari: You fucking arsehole! You killed my father! And Knut!

Eustache: I did not! Those goons did! Knut just fell in the forge! Nobody killed him!

Kari: LIAR!

_She thrust herself on him, kicking, biting, punching. Eustache laughed._

Eustache: No man of woman born can kill me!

Kari: It's just as well I'm not a man, then.

_Eustache gulped._

_Kari then noticed Eustache's dagger in his belt. She used it, thus ending his blissfully short tyranny._

Kari: Anything else you want to tell me, Aunt Moira?


End file.
